ADULT ICE SKATING

Moments of seeming insignificant create massive impact in our lives, on who we are.

In my experience it is the little things that have the most meaning. It is the little moments that become cherished memories.

We’re taught to cherish monumental experiences, like graduating, getting married, having a baby. While these big life experiences are remembered, even cherished, many of my most cherished memories, the moments that have profoundly affected me, changed me, touched me, did not occur on these monumental days.

“Enjoy the little things in life because one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things.” 

– Kurt Vonnegut

Certainly, my wedding day stands out in my mind as special (for the record: my husband and I eloped – to a Maui beach, just us, an officiate with a guitar, his photographer wife, and a dozen rented doves).

But what really stands out in my mind is the chocolate ice cream cone that was melting in my then boyfriend’s (now husband’s) hand as we walked the beach discussing whether or not we should get married. It wasn’t romantic, but it was moving. There was something about that soft-brown melted ice cream dripping down his hand that broke my heart wide open. It was a moment when he looked so sweet (and he is), vulnerable, and like a person I would want to gaze in the same direction with for the rest of my life.

“Love does not consist in gazing at each other,

but in looking outward together in the same direction.”

– Antoine de Saint-Exupery

When we argue, I don’t think back to our wedding day to remember why we’re together, I think back to that melted chocolate ice cream cone.

I have never been one to be particularly moved by flowers and dinner. A clichéd date-night-platitude doesn’t speak to who I am. I am however deeply moved by a little “Om” charm, that fits perfectly onto a Pandora bracelet, which had to be special ordered because Pandora doesn’t make a yoga-charm. This is a gesture that speaks to who I am and what I love. It demonstrates thoughtfulness, which is something I cherish and deeply appreciate. At first blush it may seem like a simple gift, but to me it was a huge demonstration of knowing who I am and what I appreciate.

I have never been one to feel particularly supported by a “good luck!” I am however deeply moved by a well-crafted “good luck” text that references an inside joke and/or a meme chosen specifically because the sender knew exactly what would bring a smile to my face (I’m nodding at you Grumpy Cat memes!).

I value the things that seem little, but are huge. I value thoughtfulness. I value being known, being seen, being understood by others.

“It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.”

– Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Consider the “little things” in your life that are actually the big things. Maybe take a moment to send off a note of appreciation to a friend for a little act of thoughtfulness they gave to you (hand written notes always encouraged!). Your little note may touch them and become one of their cherished memories.

“In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.”

– Khalil Gibran

“But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.”

– George Eliot, Middlemarch

I never miss an opportunity to pop the bubbly! Though, there are many ways to celebrate life and all its badassery & awesomeness, sans booze!

Time is a finite resource.

I find myself saying this often. Our years, months, weeks, days… minutes are limited. Our moments are limited.

It may be easy to get caught up in the drudgery of everyday living. Sledging through nine-to-five and spending Sunday dreading Monday. Living for the weekend or your next planned vacation.

On the flip side: it may also be easy to get caught up in the extraordinary moments of everyday living.

First off, are there every any ordinary moments? There was a 1 in 400 trillion chance that you would be born, just as you are – in all your unique awesomeness (Mel Robins’ Ted Talk “How To Stop Screwing Yourself Over” is magnificent, cited portion starts at minute 7:00). We are literally made of stardust. Second, there are many things that deserve to be recognized, honored, celebrated.

Anyone who knows me knows I honor many “-iversary’s.” Some of these are difficult. Such as Angel Days (Anniversary date of a loved one’s passing). Some of these “iversary’s” are really quiet fun. I am always UP, DOWN, and IN to remember from whence I came and honor the journey.

-iversary Examples:

• Skateivarsary, July 27th – the day I first took to the ice in 2011.

• California-versary, August 3rd – the day Jaede (1 of 3 of my cats!) and I arrived in California after a 3-day journey across the country, 2005.

• First-Date-iversary, August 25th – the first date with my now husband, each year we go back to that restaurant and honor the day we met.

• Friendiversary, October 17th – a 4-martini dinner wherein a great friend and I first gushed to each other about how fond we had grown of one another.

• Yogaversary, March 2nd – the day I first arrived on my yoga mat and adopted a regular yoga practice that endures to this day.

As you can see, there are many things to honor and celebrate! While I cherish the above dates, this does not preclude me from celebrating a random Tuesday.

Celebrating life’s-iversaries can mean popping a bottle of Dom Perignon White Gold Jeroboam (only $40,000!) or a bottle of Cook’s Brut (a staggering $5.99, on sale!). Though, celebrating life’s-iversaries can mean many other things as well. It can mean honoring a special day by spending a few moments thinking about all the amazing things that have happened since that faitful day “x” years ago. It can be as simply as laughing with a friend as you share a fond memory of the -iversary. A Yogaversary can be celebrated by rolling your mat out with a friend. A Friendiversary can be celebrated over a cup o’joe and shared laughter (or a re-creation of the 4-martini dinner, I’m not judging!).

Let us not forget all the totally made up Faux-Holidays! Why not celebrate a few of those? Personally, I’m not jumping on board for National Donut Day (first Friday in June, you’re welcome). But I’m all over National Friendship Day (first Sunday in August in the US). That day was an opportunity to send fun memes to my cousin/best friend/sister I am glad I never had.

… but seriously, #TRUTH

Life is short. Time is finite. Honor Life’s beautiful moments and the memories you cherish. Honor those. Celebrate your life. Celebrate accomplishments – in all ranges. Celebrate accomplishments from “I passed the bar!” to “I got out of bed and sort-of adulted today!”

Life is meant to be celebrated. In all your stardust glory, celebrate!

“On particularly rough days when I’m sure I can’t possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100%… and that’s pretty good.”

– Unknown

“Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.”

– R. D. Laing

Celebrate your weird self. Fearlessly love what makes you happy. It is what makes you memorable.

I think we’re all a little weird. Some of us are a lot weird (frantically raising my hand over here!). I also think that a lot of people spend an exorbitant amount of energy trying to hide their weird-selves. Trying desperately to mute what makes them unique. Silencing their own brand of awesomeness, which would make them stand apart from the crowd. Stuffing down odd little passions and idiosyncrasies for fear they will be exposed as the weirdo they are.

In a way, violating parts of themselves for the sake of fitting into a mold society pretends to demand. In reality, society often celebrates the people bold enough to fly their freak flags; or, at a minimum people will recognize, give attention to, the people rockin’ their weird-selves.

We’ve been celebrating Madonna’s unique style, bold personality, and timely makeovers for decades. We gave ample attention to Lady Gaga’s meat hat (as a vegetarian, I was beyond grossed out). We wait with bated breath to see Johnny Weir’s next fashion-forward ensemble (Johnny, I adore you – but please STOP with the animal cruelty inherent in the fur industry!).

Men willing to don guyliner: hot AF (squirrel…)

In our own microcosm: we’ve all recognized the barista with the blue hair or the crazy-cat-man with his puss on a leash at the beach (cool–cat-man in La Jolla, I’m nodding at you!).

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

– Oscar Wilde

Confession: I’m a Big Weirdo.

Further Confessions of a Wondering Mind:

• I love my cats so much I don’t mind that I am always covered in cat hair.
• I have been obsessed with Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day since I was 11-years-old.
• Reading Supreme Court opinions turns me on. I think the Constitution is sexy – talk Bill of Rights to me, and my heart in your hands, you will have.

Maybe society at large isn’t willing to celebrate what makes your weird little heart happy — but I promise there will be fellow-weirdos in your corner. Your Soul Family will fly their freaks flags right alongside yours! Time is a finite resource, so don’t waste time with vain attempts to hide or silence the awesome weirdness within! Be proud of what makes you unique. Stand out, be memorable. Fearlessly love what makes you happy. 

“When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings.” – Dean Jackson

Humans crave connection, to be heard, to be understood. What we really want, what we need, is to know someone else will go to the nines for us, will throw down, will show up. This kind of connection isn’t easy to find.

I am speaking to something greater than mere lovers, and something beyond mere blood ties. While some are blessed enough to find their people among family members or in a lover, not all are so fortunate. Indeed, not all are so fortunate to find their people at all.

I am speaking to those rare human bonds of Soul-level connection. They’re the people who come along and change you as a person – for the better. The people who you lose track of time with, who make you laugh, who get your inner-weird, who celebrate (and often share, or at least happily tolerate) your idiosyncrasies.

Beyond the joy your people bring, they remember not just your birthday, but the anniversary-dates of when you lost loves ones. They hold your hand and wipe both your figurative and literal tears.

You can tell when you’re with a person who is “your people,” because your vibration will be elevated and you’ll feel more alive. It’s a connection that ignites that spark of life. It Sources you.

I’ve been blessed to have found a few of “my people” over the years. I call these people my Soul Tribe and my Soul Family. I consider it a blessing that I can count these people on more than one hand, though it is still less than two.

A sage adage claims that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Some of my Soul Tribe were lovers or friends who were simply not meant for a lifetime. This doesn’t mean the connection was not real, or that the connection was not important.

Lack of longevity does not call into question the validity of someone’s contribution to your life, or yours to theirs. Give gratitude for all that was brought into your life and honor what once was.

When people you’re really connected with exit your life, trust that the Universe will guide you to new people, to members of your Soul Family you have not yet met. Hold yourself open for new connections. Remember that friendships can be forged in the most unusual ways, in the most unlikely places, between the most implausible of comrades.

Find your people, because each of them completes a part of you, and you a part of them.

“I love us!”

– Jenni & Amy’s Declaration

“You’re my person.”

– Grey’s Anatomy, Meredith & Christina’s Motto 

“My dad said to me growing up:

‘When all is said and done, if you can count all your true friends on one hand, you’re a lucky man.”

– Josh Charles

A toast to those going against the grain!

Society’s cookie-cutter approach to the Stages of Life are a one-sized fits all solution that may not even fit most. Marriage isn’t for everyone. The predictable, stable 9 to 5 may not add up to happiness. Raising healthy, well-adjusted children certainly isn’t a task everyone is equipped for. Assembly line K-12, plus 4-years, doesn’t address the needs or abilities of all.

The people who are not the shape of “one size fits all” are not celebrated. In fact, I argue they are feared. Further, people trying to forge their own path are met with resistance, judgment, naysayers — everything that isn’t support. Only if/when a rebel becomes wildly successful does the support and celebration follow. It is easy to applaud J.K Rowling’s $1 billion dollar net worth and status as the world’s richest author. But how easy is it to applaud the unemployed, single-mother drafting a novel by hand in an Edinburgh tea & coffee house?

The road less traveled may not have much traffic, but it isn’t paved. Journeying into the unknown is scary, especially sans support.

People tend to cling to the cookie-cutter ideals, and they want others to do the same. It makes them uncomfortable when someone doesn’t want to conform. As if the person going against the grain calls their own choices into question. The brave soul who forges their own path shows the “what could be,” and maybe people are afraid to take a look at that.

Study after study of elderly people nearing death teach us that the most common regret people have at the end of life is that they did not live the life they wanted to live, but instead lived the life they thought they “should” live, the life they thought others expected of them.

“To thine own self be true…”

– William Shakespeare

To those who examined the choices, who know what makes their heart sing, who discovered that they are the “all” for the “one-size,” more power to you! You’re not a cookie-cutter conformists. I celebrate you, your white picket fence, 2.5 children, and employer-matched 401(k).

To those brave souls enduring those first shaky steps on the road less traveled — I celebrate you! To those round pegs who boldly rejected the square holes, and have found joy and success (however you define success) — I celebrate you!

To the Kindred Spirits answering the call of the road less traveled — I raise a glass to you!

“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

– Apple’s “Here’s To The Crazy Ones” Ad Campaign, Steve Jobs

“A guy walks up to me and asks, ‘what’s punk?’ So I kick over a garbage can and say, ‘that’s punk!’ So he kicks over the garbage can and says, “that’s punk?’

and I say, ‘no, that’s trendy!”

– Billie Joe Armstrong