It's Not About You - ADULT ICE SKATING

But seriously, it’s not about you.

I use “it’s not about me” as a mantra. Not to be self-deprecating or dismissive, but as a battle cry against anxiety.

Anticipation of future events can get up in my head space. But, I take up arms against my anxiety. One combat method is to shift my focus away from myself and onto the people I serve.

A few years ago I was asked to speak on a panel about losing my brother to suicide. A big part of me gets excited to speak. I relish the opportunity to share my story and my message with an audience.

Simultaneously, a part of my gets gnashed at – as the teeth of anxiety tear into my self-confidence. For this particular event, the bulk of the anxiety centered around a specific concern (aka fear). Leading the fear-charge was what I would call “losing my sh*it” on stage. I am not a fan of crying in a public forum. Though, I knew in my heart, at the soul-level, that I was not walking off that stage without shedding tears for all to witness.

My brother, Joey, died in April, he was also born in April. As the Fates would have it, the speaking event was in April – smack in the middle of Joey’s birth date and his Angel Day. It was not a question of whether or not I would cry, it was a question to what degree I would lose it while on display.

This sucked for me. But it sucked for the audience, too. The event was held for people who have lost a loved one to suicide. People who know grief darker and deeper than I have ever found words for. People showing up in search of something, maybe a glimmer of hope, a piece of healing. People who can empathize with my pain because they have walked a similar Journey.

And there it is. These people could benefit from something I had to say. Maybe I couldn’t reach everyone in the room. Not everyone was going to like me, or resonate with me. But I could tell them that eventually I laughed again. Eventually I could share stories about Joey without my eyes welling with tears. With conviction, I could declare that I will never get over my loss, but that I can move forward. I could show them that tears still spill even after many years, but I could also show them the strength born of loss. I could deliver a message of hope, because I live with joy again.

It wasn’t about me. It was about them.

It was about how I could best be of service to them. It was about the gratitude I felt, not because I was given a platform to shine on, but because I could stand in front of those people who had been through some shit and offer them a story of hope, offer them my tears, offer them a piece of me.

When doubts, anxieties, fears begin to gnaw at you, step back, look away from yourself. Look instead to the people who you serve. Focus on how to best be of service, how to help, how to effectuate change, how to lead well, how to offer something good to this world.

It isn’t about you – it’s about them. Go shine for them.