Holding Space For Others

One of the greatest acts of kindness is to hold space for another human. It is a tenet of true friendship. To hold space for another is to walk alongside them on whatever journey they are on, without judgment and without trying to fix them or the situation. It is the truest act of support: to be there for someone without trying to impact the outcome.

Holding space isn’t always easy. Vain attempts to play savior are easy. Doling out advice is simpler still. The prevailing human tendency is to try to fix people. But people are not broken. They simply need a safe harbor.

People need a place to go where they will not be judged. Space where they will not be shamed or made to feel inadequate. To hold space for another means to be this place. To be fully present and actively listen, and maybe to not even respond. To offer gentle guidance only if necessary. Never uttering an “if I were you,” or a “you shouldn’t.”

Holding space means you allow the other person to make decisions on their own, even when they are not the decisions you would make. Holding space means supporting someone’s decisions, even when you don’t agree. It means supporting someone’s decision, even when their decisions adversely affect you. It means not judging them for the forks they choose or the way they’re walking their journey.

To the Atlases who bear the weight of the world for others — sometimes you must shrug. The strongest of space holders need space held for them, too. We all need a place where we can be weak. Where we can be honest, real, and raw. A space to rip off masks, let our confidence waiver, let our false and tired egos fall to the floor. A place where we can fail.

This place of vulnerability is also a place where we can be known, be fully seen. Where we can step into our own power. A place where another person can see our vision too, without judgment of what we can or can’t accomplish. A space where another human can simply be excited for us, without motive and with nothing to gain.

Safety may be illusory, but love and trust are not. There is no greater act of love than to hold space for another. There is no greater act of trust than to allow space to be held for you.

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” – Pericles

“I hold this to be the highest task of a bond between two people:

that each should stand ground over the solitude of the other.”

– Rainer Maria Rilke