Show Up For Yourself

Not to be all “we’re born alone, we die alone,” but the truth is you are the only one who can be relied upon to show up for you. This isn’t a bad thing. This doesn’t mean that your friends and family suck (though they might). This means that the impetus is on you to show up for yourself, and show up fully every day.

Besides, no one else can truly show up for you the way you can. You are the one who knows you best. You are the one who knows what you need, when you need it, and how you need it.

Your closest confidant may be well-equipped to support you after a crap-tastic day. Your cousin/best friend/sister you’re glad you never had may be perfectly versed in how to best celebrate your life’s accomplishments. She may also know exactly when you need to hear “fuck that bitch” and be handed a drink. Your gay best friend forever (hereinafter referred to as “GBFF“) may know exactly when to wrap you in his arms when your cat is diagnosed with kidney disease, and the exact moment to let go before you completely crumble into a pool of tears.

But as well as your support system can support you, they cannot bear the entire weight.

Further, the people best equipped to show up for us, to support us, are also the ones best set up to let us down. The people we love hurt us. We hurt the people we love. This is love’s harshest truth.

It is in those moments when you don’t get the supportive words you need, or the “congratulations!” you expect, when you’re let down, disappointed, or downright hurt by the people who are “supposed” to support you best, in those moments, you have to show up for yourself.

Extend your arms wide open for you. Give yourself the huge hug you desperately need. Do what you need to do for you. Bear your own weight, catch yourself, be there for you. Land on your own two feet or sprout your very own wings. You’ve got this.

A Contract Among Comrades

You can’t meet all of my needs, and I can’t meet all of yours. So, let’s agree to show up for one another as best we can, in the best way possible for each other. Within this, let’s agree to honor our own boundaries and take care of our own needs.

I agree to show up for me; you agree to show up for you.

Then, in the spaces and places where we are equipped to show up for each other – there we can hold hands and hug-it-out to help fuel our respective journeys forward.