Month: June 2016

The first time I learned about meditation that actually resonated with me was on walking meditation. Prior to that, I couldn’t rationalize the idea of thinking about nothing. I had tried to meditate only to find sitting on the floor rather uncomfortable, or, when I was comfortable “meditation” became nappy-time. I also found that my mind raced with thoughts. As quickly as I remembered that I was trying  to meditate and suppressed a thought, another one would fly in, even more interesting and irrelevant than the last.

Later I learned that meditation is less about suppressing thoughts and more about allowing them to waft in, acknowledge them, detach, and let them waft along their way. Later still, I learned that mindfully watching and letting go of our thoughts can lead us to devalue our thoughts. Relegating our inner dialogue or inner screen as a mere distraction can downgrade important parts of who we are. Alas, one of many meditation quandaries.

I would be remiss not to listicle the known benefits of meditation. Studies show the practice of meditation can: prevent disease, reduce inflammation, effectively treat depression, increase happiness. Up next: studies explore the effects of meditation on prevention, or at least the slowing down, of aging in the brain.

I can’t say I have perfected my meditation craft, but I have come to recognize that what works for each person requires exploring, willingness, and an openness to the journey.

The notion of walking meditation resonated with me because it not just allows for movement, but calls for it. It also calls for time spent in nature – or, at least time spent not on the couch or slumped in a cubicle. I have found walking meditation to fit well into my life – the cornerstone of actually sticking with something. Sometimes my walking meditation happens over miles of ocean, other times it happens during the span of a parking lot. Park at the back of the lot, of course – it burns more calories and gives you a moment to drop in.

In a walking meditation stay present in the moment. Focus, drop in. Tune into your body, drop into the sensation of putting one foot in front of the other, the ebb and flow of your hip flexors, the rise and fall of your diaphragm.

Propel your body forward with the goal of relaxation, letting-go, or clearing your head – any of these can absolutely be a form of meditation. The most beneficial aspect is to be fully present. To be here, now. Well, really – be there, then.

Masters, teachers, senseis can tell us what meditation is and what it is not. Yet, for any of us to garner the benefits of meditation, we must practice it in a way that works for us.

Just begin. Take time to be fully present. Take time to notice, appreciate, and honor the moment: the simplicity of the moment. For as long as you breath: you are a vibrant creature, alive with pure energy, and there are no ordinary moments.

“Within you there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” – Hermann Hesse

“All methods of meditation are nothing but methods to help you to remember the art of Let-Go. I say remember, because you knew it already. And you know it still, but that knowledge is being repressed by the society.” – Osho

“The thing about meditation is: you become more and more you.” – David Lynch

written by Jenni

Contact Info

One of the greatest acts of kindness is to hold space for another human. It is a tenet of true friendship. To hold space for another is to walk alongside them on whatever journey they are on, without judgment and without trying to fix them or the situation. It is the truest act of support: to be there for someone without trying to impact the outcome.

Holding space isn’t always easy. Vain attempts to play savior are easy. Doling out advice is simpler still. The prevailing human tendency is to try to fix people. But people are not broken. They simply need a safe harbor.

People need a place to go where they will not be judged. Space where they will not be shamed or made to feel inadequate. To hold space for another means to be this place. To be fully present and actively listen, and maybe to not even respond. To offer gentle guidance only if necessary. Never uttering an “if I were you,” or a “you shouldn’t.”

Holding space means you allow the other person to make decisions on their own, even when they are not the decisions you would make. Holding space means supporting someone’s decisions, even when you don’t agree. It means supporting someone’s decision, even when their decisions adversely affect you. It means not judging them for the forks they choose or the way they’re walking their journey.

To the Atlases who bear the weight of the world for others — sometimes you must shrug. The strongest of space holders need space held for them, too. We all need a place where we can be weak. Where we can be honest, real, and raw. A space to rip off masks, let our confidence waiver, let our false and tired egos fall to the floor. A place where we can fail.

This place of vulnerability is also a place where we can be known, be fully seen. Where we can step into our own power. A place where another person can see our vision too, without judgment of what we can or can’t accomplish. A space where another human can simply be excited for us, without motive and with nothing to gain.

Safety may be illusory, but love and trust are not. There is no greater act of love than to hold space for another. There is no greater act of trust than to allow space to be held for you.

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” – Pericles

“I hold this to be the highest task of a bond between two people:

that each should stand ground over the solitude of the other.”

– Rainer Maria Rilke

written by Jenni

Contact Info

Not to be all “we’re born alone, we die alone,” but the truth is you are the only one who can be relied upon to show up for you. This isn’t a bad thing. This doesn’t mean that your friends and family suck (though they might). This means that the impetus is on you to show up for yourself, and show up fully every day.

Besides, no one else can truly show up for you the way you can. You are the one who knows you  best. You are the one who knows what you need, when you need it, and how you need it.

Your closest confidant may be well-equipped to support you after a crap-tastic day. Your cousin/best friend/sister you’re glad you never had may be perfectly versed in how to best celebrate your life’s accomplishments. She may also know exactly when you need to hear “fuck that bitch” and be handed a drink. Your gay best friend forever (hereinafter referred to as “GBFF“) may know exactly when to wrap you in his arms when your cat is diagnosed with kidney disease, and the exact moment to let go before you completely crumble into a pool of tears.

But as well as your support system can support you, they cannot bear the entire weight.

Further, the people best equipped to show up for us, to support us, are also the ones best set up to let us down. The people we love hurt us. We hurt the people we love. This is love’s harshest truth.

It is in those moments when you don’t get the supportive words you need, or the “congratulations!” you expect, when you’re let down, disappointed, or downright hurt by the people who are “supposed” to support you best, in those moments, you have to show up for yourself.

Extend your arms wide open for you. Give yourself the huge hug you desperately need. Do what you need to do for you. Bear your own weight, catch yourself, be there for you. Land on your own two feet or sprout your very own wings. You’ve got this.

A Contract Among Comrades

You can’t meet all of my needs, and I can’t meet all of yours. So, let’s agree to show up for one another as best we can, in the best way possible for each other. Within this, let’s agree to honor our own boundaries and take care of our own needs.

I agree to show up for me; you agree to show up for you.

Then, in the spaces and places where we are equipped to show up for each other – there we can hold hands and hug-it-out to help fuel our respective journeys forward.

“To thine own self be true…” – William Shakespeare

“Results will show up when you do.” – Jill Koenig

“Let people do what they need to do to make them happy. Mind your own business, and do what you need to do to make you happy.” – Leon Brown

written by Jenni

Contact Info